 How To Unstick Your Garbage Disposal
with a Broom Handle
By Contractor Mike
Jan 5, 2007
Continued from page 1
Time out! If it takes you more than
ten seconds to figure out “clockwise” without
having to find and place a clock with hands on
it into your sink, you’re going to miss the
last two minutes of the game. So, put the
clock back on the wall, put the broom away, and
call a plumber, okay? You haven’t missed
a single play.
Okay, the clock is ticking again. There
should be some resistance, because the wood in
the handle will stick against the side of the disposal
and the flat rotating metal plate that holds the “sharp
metal flipper thingies” down there. The
softer wood should bite into a harder metal flipper
(but not if the broom has a metal handle – you’ll
just end up creating metal shavings, or worse --
a sliver of jagged metal off the handle that will
only make the problem worse). Your sole job
now is to overcome that resistance!
0:30 -- Depending on your arm strength and
method of applying circular leverage against a
flipper, whatever is stuck down there is probably
not nearly as strong as you and that broom handle
working together as a team, so it should break
free. You’ll know that because you
can feel the disposal plate rotating freely under
your broom handle/mayonnaise oar. You’re
not done yet, but you’ve still got time. Keep
moving the handle around clockwise for at least
5 turns.
0:15 -- Remove your mayonnaise oar and run cold
water down into the sink. Let it run a few
seconds.
0:05 -- Flip on the switch…Varroooooom!
You are so outa there, and back in your
BarcoLounger. You didn’t miss a single
play. So, with bottle raised and the little
woman fawning over your masculinity, you shout, “This
Bud’s for me, babe!” .
And if she later bitches about the scraped or
chipped paint on the end of the broom handle? Buy
her a new one, bro. You didn’t miss
the last two minutes of the game, so you can live
with that rather minor tradeoff.
But let’s back up here 30 seconds to allow
for two other scenarios. If you did the
broom handle thing and the disposal didn’t
start up when you flipped the switch, try the reset
button on the bottom of the disposal. First,
turn off the disposal switch, find and push in
(up) the reset button, and then flip the wall switch
on…. Varroooooom!
Sure, you missed one play, but statistical probability
is on your side that it wasn’t one of those
leaping, one-handed grabs at the back of the end
zone to decide the game. If it was, you’ll
see the replay from six different angles and in
super slo-mo. Besides, you’re recording
the game, too, right?
If, however, neither the broom handle nor the
reset button fixes the problem, stand up, turn
either clockwise or counterclockwise, and go back
to your BarcoLounger. Call the plumber at
the end of the game.
If the plumber arrives and, after much ado tells
you the problem is a faulty wall switch, don’t
get mad. Just pay the man for his time and
call an electrician.
In this latter worst-case scenario, you’ve
paid for a plumber, an electrician, and will soon
be purchasing a new broom handle for the little
lady. Now you can take that broom,
go outside and whack something really hard with
the handle.
But hey, at least you didn’t miss the game.
Back
to page 1
Contractor Mike was a General Building
Contractor for nearly twenty years in Los Angeles
and is now a produced playwright.
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