 How To Unstick Your Garbage Disposal
with a Broom Handle
By Contractor Mike
Jan 5, 2007
There’s twenty seconds left before the 2-minute
warning of a playoff game, title game, or the Super
Bowl itself, and your team is two points down and
looking to score. Suddenly, the shout-out
comes from the kitchen: “Honey, the
garbage disposal isn’t working!”
Naturally, you’re thinking, “I didn’t
hear that.” The game clock continues
to wind down.
“Did you hear me?!”
At this point you really do have to say something. So,
you reply, “I’ll be there in
ten seconds, sweetie!”
The 2-minute warning. They break for three
minutes of dueling Viagra and Cialis commercials. We’re
in countdown mode now, and you’ve got three
precious minutes to solve the problem and get back
to your BarcoLounger in front of the TV.
3:00 – You rise from your chair, scurry
into the kitchen, and head straight for the sink. You
flip the disposal switch and hear a hum, but it
isn’t disposing of anything – it’s
stuck. You then turn off the switch and stare
down into the maw, not unlike a black hole beneath
the neoprene guard, for what to you seems an eternity. And
all the while you’re thinking, “Okay,
something got stuck down there … but I can’t
see anything … and I don't have the guts
to stick my fingers blindly down into an area with
sharp rotating metal thingies, even though the
electricity is off!” You did double-check
that, right? Good start. Less
discriminating folk usually end up with missing
fingers.
2:00 -- This is when that little voice in your
head starts to work up a hostile chatter: “C’mon,
man, hurry up. They’re gonna start
the next play without you!” You
should now head for the broom closet, take out
a wood-handled broom or mop (not a metal one),
and get back to the sink. Do not open
up the cabinet below and whack the disposal with
the broom handle. Whacking stuff comes later.
1:00 -- Stick the end of the broom handle down
into the garbage disposal so it hits against the
bottom and side simultaneously. Pretend
you’re stirring a vat of mayonnaise with
a very thin dinghy oar, without the paddle. You
need much more circular force than downward
force. Push down gently on the handle with
the upper hand (Warning -- push too hard and you’ll
bust loose the disposal from it’s mounting!),
and use your left hand to force the normally freely
rotating disposal plate clockwise.
Continue to page 2
Contractor Mike was a General Building
Contractor for nearly twenty years in Los Angeles
and is now a produced playwright. |
